Sense of humour failure

Dear Diary, sorry for not talking to you so much recently and that when I have I've been a little glum.
One day like yesterday can be considered unfortunate, two on the run must be either a) incompetence b) divine retribution or c) ?
Jude your comment of yesterday is so close to the mark: "The end can not be far. It seems a pity, but I do not think I can write more".
The Cecil Guest House in Ludlow should be preserved in a museum. The owner (very definitely a Cecil) was very friendly but we've all got used to better things. Lots of linoleum, brass, nets and all probably in need of replacement around the time I was born. No heating to dry our (very wet) clothes and shoes because it was too late. Had I tried the previously successful trick of asking the landlady/lord if we could borrow their washing machine (which usually results in them offering to wash and dry our gear) I think we would have been evicted. Actually they probably only have a washboard and a mangle. I did crack the secret code to turn on the radiator so that in the morning it came on, dried a few things and warmed us up nicely for our exertions. Made us laugh when the old dears at the next breakfast table were moaning about being too cold. Both Alan and I turned in amazement when a very proper old chap (shirt and tie for breakfast and 70 years old at least) was talking to his even more plum and prim wife and casually dropped in the phrase 'I was in the zone'. I've probably used it tongue in cheek on here but this was so not what you expected someone like that to use. What next, 'hang loose', 'living on the edge' ? He was very nice and tried to be helpful in giving me advice on how we might adapt our route to avoid the flooding. Only problem was he suggested we went way out East into the Cotswolds and then turn South. a) he's obviously never ridden a bike as to suggest a 100 mile detour is mad in anyones book and b) his detour would have taken us straight through 3 metre floods into the worst hit area in the whol country. I think he's been in the wacky zone.
First job of the day was to find a bike shop in Ludlow to sort out Alan's chain. As ever this takes at least an hour so the delays had begun... It was a strange place which combined a bike shop with a pet shop. Can anyone tell me what Dog Beer is all about? The owner even fitted Alan's new chain getting horrendously oily in the process and refused to charge for the service. On reflection we didn't feel guilty about this as we later discovered he'd fitted the wrong size chain which caused Alan problems all the way to Hereford. Maybe it was actually a dog chain. I stocked up with 3 spare tubes which was fortuitous.
Next delay was a 20 minute wait to see if the torrential rain would abate.
We finally left Ludlow later than planned (for a change!) and had to stop 2 miles out for Alan to see what was going on with this chain. As we set off again warily my fragile state was shattered with, guess what, another puncture. James and Alan had flown off down the hill and weren't going to ascend again so Mr Incompetent here did his first entirely solo tube change. Oh, and by the way I've had enough practice over the last 24 hours. It worked but by now we'd done 2 miles in 2 hours. I finally caught up with James sheltering from the rain in a caravan cafe with a nice cuppa so I felt I'd earned one too - cue further 20 minute delay.
Finally catching up with Alan in Leominster we found the chain was causing big problems so spent 45 minutes tracking down a bike shop for help. By the time we set off it was about 1pm and we'd done 11 miles. There was an awful sense of Deja Vue - technical problems, wet through and with a long day ahead. 71 more miles = 7 hours cycling at least plus stops = 9.30/10pm arrival at James's friend Hilary's house and we could see us arriving in the pitch black. There was also the issue that Hilary lives in a very high place and the last thing we'd want would to be doing is a steep 5 mile climb late at night after a tiring day.
We got on the road and finally reached Hereford around 3pm. Halfords were pretty unhelpful but at least they directed us to the magnificent Climb On Bikes which was just what the doctor ordered. They diagnosed Alan's chain problem plus a few others so he ordered a new chain and sprocket set to be fitted. The owner Clive, then gave me a little TLC as, having required 4 tube changes in 24 hours, I was getting totally paranoid that someone was out to get me and I'd be spending the remaining 6 days doing endless tube changes like one of Groundhog Day. I bought some bullet (and hopefully thorn) proof tyres which they agreed to fit whilst we went off to get a quick bite. James wasn't going to be left out of this spending spree and bought the cutest pair of cycling leggings you've ever seen. They start mid-thigh and finish at the ankle. He looks great in them, honestly, and I'm hoping to get a compromising snap of him with them on for your delight before the week's out. Lovely bit of detail on the elastic at the top of his hold-ups.
4pm, 24 miles done and we finally leave Hereford for Monmouth. My knees are less painful than yesterday but still sometimes really slowing me down.
As we headed down the Wye Valley to Chepstow an almighty shot rang out. Initial thoughts that it was a disgruntled blog reader sniping us were wrong and it was actually Alan's tyre completely blowing out. It was totally unrideable and unfixable. Alan is only with us for 4 days and he didn't want to stop James and I from getting on with our mission - it was too late for us to contemplate going back with him so this modern day Scott crept out of the tent with the words 'I may be gone some time' and trudged off into the distance. He hoped to find a spare tyre (unlikely at 6pm in a one horse town). James and I reluctantly continued towards Chepstow.
It's a lovely run through the Wye Valley and past Tintern Abbey but there's a very tiring climb at the end.
Finally we reached the Severn Bridge and the end was in sight. We'd arranged that Hilary would meet us there to drive us the 15 miles to her house. We've locked our bikes up at the service station on the English side and will return to continue our ride tomorrow. If they haven't been stolen by then. Alan had caught a taxi from Monmouth and met us there.
Just to complete the hat-trick James, whilst on the last stretch over the bridge suffered a ........ you've guessed it, a puncture. This is really getting beyond a joke.
We're all completely knackered, suffering a range of types and degrees of pain and totally hacked off with the mechanical problems. They're a chore to fix, particularly in the rain, and they cost us so much time. The only glimmer of optimism is to think that surely they can't go on and maybe we've got them all out they way in one concentrated nightmare 36 hours. Fingers and legs crossed.

Finishing on a bright note or three:
1) Hilary has been a great host providing the essentials of beer, lovely food and company and a hot bath. Many thanks to her and Kevin next door for their kind hospitality.
2) It's going to be sunny and dry tomorrow (hmmm)
3) Tomorrow's a short day distance wise (although we do still have to get to a bike shop for a new tyre in the morning and fix two punctures!!!!!!)